Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
