Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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