you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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