I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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