I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
