I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
