when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
