omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
What a dumb baby whore.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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