Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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