Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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