There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
