Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
