Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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