shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
