the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize