That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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