and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
ttyl tear gas
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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