I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize