She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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