She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
