I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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