um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize