I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
