I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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