he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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