I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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