so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
