Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
