i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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