Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
