I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
