just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Houston, we have a squirter
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
