her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
