One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
