hotel room ftw
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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