never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You were trust falling into bushes
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