My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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