As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize