i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
