tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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