The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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