Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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