so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize