Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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