So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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