he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
