rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
