It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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