ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
