i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
