That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
