I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
