you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
