I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we made out on top of his cat.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
