She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
