i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
