I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
