She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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