I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
