I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
