I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
