God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
