You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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