yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize