if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
