You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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