Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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