I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
