I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
