you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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