How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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