I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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