He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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