Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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