lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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