So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think I won the penis lottery.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
