Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Randomize
