I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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