just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
