What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
