with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize