i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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